Mistake #234897: Trying too hard.

Ooo, yeah baby... I love when you pose with a chip clip in your hair, wearing sweatpants, sitting next to the tall fan in the kitchen... Sexy.

What's wrong here?

Of course, I must point out that she is on public transportation...

Circle the Fashion Offenses: Part II

Fat is popping out in awful places... The birthday girl is wearing a fake Burberry plaid shawl with printed shoes. Is that...? Yes, it is... Clear plastic heels. There are also flip-flops on the left and a pink skirt that is far too tight on the right. Cheetah print with red shoes? I know a very nice stripper that combines the same two elements...

Budweiser?

The only thing worse than consuming beer.... is wearing a beer logo. Well, I guess taking a picture WHILE wearing a beer logo is worse...

Thank you for covering your nipples.

I think...

Top 5 ways to be mistaken for an overworked hooker...

1. Belly-bearing a'la Britney Spears in 1999.

2. Frayed denim skirts.

3. White lace mini-shirt.

4. Jeans that sit too low and drag on the floor of the bar.

5. Winehouse hair.

How do I look?

"Hi, girls! How do I look? I was just making sure everyone here knew that I had boobs... Just to emphasize them, I stuck this fabulous Forever21 charm necklace smack in the middle of them! Sexy, right?"